Category: Personal

It’s been 2 weeks since my life changed forever. January 29, 2016. It’s still so surreal, it’s hard to let the reality sink in. Sometimes I just feel like you’re out of town or out doing something. But you’re not. You’re in a better place and that makes me happy, but you’re not here with me and there’s a void in my heart where you belong. I try to remind myself that you will always be with me, but it’s still so hard to accept. My family consisted of you, Dad, and me. Then came Charlie and we became 4. Now we are 3 again. I can’t believe I’m sitting here 2 weeks later trying to write your eulogy, Mom.

I don’t know what to say to them – to our family and friends. I don’t know how to comfort them. I don’t know if I’ll remember to say everything that I want to say. I don’t know if my speech will do you justice. How do you fit in 30 years of memories into mere minutes? How do you tell them about all you’ve taught me and done for me? I’d be up there forever. I just want them to feel your love when I go up there. I want to remind them of the loving, caring, and positive person you were because I know that’s what we miss most about you. I want them to remember what an amazing and beautiful woman you were.

I miss you so much, Mom. Some days I’m strong, other days I’m weak, and I know that’s okay. I know you would not want me to be sad. I know you wouldn’t want me to cry and you’d want me to be strong. You’d want me to “be a big girl” like you always said when I would cry. I’m trying but sometimes I can’t, and in those moments all I want to do is hide my face and cry in your arms like I did when I was a little girl.

I love you Mom. I’ll try to be strong for you. Just like I told you, I’m only crying because I love you so much.

xoxo,
Kissa

 

I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving full of love, family, and friends. I hope you had some time to relax before the craziness that is the holidays.

Growing up, my family always got together for lunch/dinner. Yes, that’s right. Lunch/dinner. We’d have a potluck. Everyone would volunteer to bring something, my uncle would make the turkey, and as I got older I’d make pies. Last year, we changed it up a little bit and went to Vegas to visit my aunts, uncles, and cousins that live there. It was fun last year. I got to spend time with family, hang out with my cousins who I don’t get to see often enough..Charlie’s family even came too.

Our Thanksgiving was weird this year. It was supposed to be Vegas Thanksgiving Pt. II. We booked our flights to Vegas months ago. My parents had left for Vegas the Tuesday before Thanksgiving at 4:30 in the morning and we were going to fly in on Wednesday night. But unfortunately, Charlie got sick on Tuesday night. We were hoping he’d be well enough by the time of our flight to go but by the time Wednesday hit he was even worse.

We decided to cancel our flight last minute so that Charlie could rest. It was our first Thanksgiving away from family, both sides. I made some strawberry pie and my mom’s beef stroganoff from when I was a kid. I made Charlie a mud pie for when he felt better. Those dishes remind me of a simpler time and brought me some comfort.

Yes, I ate the pie by myself. #sorrynotsorry lol!

Charlie and I played some of our favorite old school Nintendo games. Charlie offered to play Bubble Bobble with me, my all time favorite game. Took us 2 days to beat it just cuz we were getting frustrated that we would die and have to start over haha! Playing the retro video games with Charlie was so much fun. We couldn’t stop screaming and laughing! Note: old school video games are hard! Most don’t have save points, especially the really old ones.

Even though it was an unexpected Thanksgiving it was still a great one. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.