It’s been 2 weeks since my life changed forever. January 29, 2016. It’s still so surreal, it’s hard to let the reality sink in. Sometimes I just feel like you’re out of town or out doing something. But you’re not. You’re in a better place and that makes me happy, but you’re not here with me and there’s a void in my heart where you belong. I try to remind myself that you will always be with me, but it’s still so hard to accept. My family consisted of you, Dad, and me. Then came Charlie and we became 4. Now we are 3 again. I can’t believe I’m sitting here 2 weeks later trying to write your eulogy, Mom.
I don’t know what to say to them – to our family and friends. I don’t know how to comfort them. I don’t know if I’ll remember to say everything that I want to say. I don’t know if my speech will do you justice. How do you fit in 30 years of memories into mere minutes? How do you tell them about all you’ve taught me and done for me? I’d be up there forever. I just want them to feel your love when I go up there. I want to remind them of the loving, caring, and positive person you were because I know that’s what we miss most about you. I want them to remember what an amazing and beautiful woman you were.
I miss you so much, Mom. Some days I’m strong, other days I’m weak, and I know that’s okay. I know you would not want me to be sad. I know you wouldn’t want me to cry and you’d want me to be strong. You’d want me to “be a big girl” like you always said when I would cry. I’m trying but sometimes I can’t, and in those moments all I want to do is hide my face and cry in your arms like I did when I was a little girl.
I love you Mom. I’ll try to be strong for you. Just like I told you, I’m only crying because I love you so much.