I’ve been thinking about you so much lately. I keep having this urge to call you on my way to and from a place. We always had the best conversations in the car. I don’t know if it’s me fishing for things that remind me of you or if you’re showing me that you’re around, but your presence just makes me miss you more. Things are changing. So much is different from how it used to be since you left. Things are more complicated, life is still moving forward, and as the days go by I can’t decide if it’s good or bad. It’s just changed.
I wish I could just call you and tell you what’s going on. I wish I could hear your voice, your classic Ray Ray laugh, and you say “Oh Kissa…” right before you tell me it’s going to be okay. You always knew what to say to make me feel better. And if you didn’t know what to say you’d always do something to make me laugh.
Lookatchu, rockin the pinky flex. 🙂 I love that face you make whenever you drink girly cocktails. I miss you, Raymundo.
Today is normally a great day! You and my mom both share the same birthday 🙂 You always plan your “birth month” celebrations while I celebrate with my mom today over dinner and pancit (for long life, of course). This year, my heart is split down the middle. I am so happy and grateful to be alive and I am blessed to have my mom in my life. But I miss you, I miss you oh so much. Sometimes I’m so excited that you come across my thoughts and reminisce about all the memories. But others I think about how much it hurts that you’re not around. How I can’t call you on my way to work, how we’re not biking on the trail together, how I don’t see you at the AMN meetings, how I’m not getting texts from you every day about work and weekend plans…
Today, you would have been 27 years old. My favorite number 🙂 Today, all your loved ones will celebrate your life and all the amazing things you brought into our world. Your smile, positive outlook, your selflessness…the list can go on and on. But most of all, we’ll celebrate the love you showed and unconditionally gave to all of us. Today is about you – and how you will continue to live your message in our hearts so that more and more of us can experience it. Love and live life – EVERY.DAMN.DAY.
I love you Ray
PS. Here’s a Mixtape DJ Mikerawk put together for you. Happy birthday, my love. From your Assemble Fam.
October isn’t even over yet, and so much change within me has happened. Let’s start from the beginning shall we? After the emotionalness (Yes, I make up words) that was September, October came way too soon but not soon enough. I wasn’t ready or another month to slip through the cracks. If there was one thing I learned from you it is to live and love life, and I knew that for me October was the time I had to start doing that.
At the end of September, my dad was in the Philippines with his brothers and sisters taking care of my grandpa. The 2 weeks he was gone was terrifying. I felt like my heart was being ripped apart, as if it could be crumbled into any more pieces. My dad came back just in time for his birthday on Oct. 1st and thank God my grandpa was okay. The following weekend was a bittersweet weekend for Charlie and I. We weren’t quite ready to celebrate anything, but we embraced our 1 year wedding anniversary with open arms and went back to the scene of the crime. 🙂 It was just as beautiful as the day we got married. It was the perfect way to get the month started, full of LOVE.
Heritage Park in Dana Point, CA where we had our wedding ceremonyThe gorgeous greenery and view at Heritage ParkSteps leading up to our ceremony locationOur ceremony site and the gorgeous view
It was exactly what we needed to recharge our batteries. A couple days of rest along the beautiful coast of California. While Charlie caught some Z’s I spent most of my time on the balcony of our hotel room. The Surf and Sand Resort will forever be one of my all time favorite places to visit. And why wouldn’t it be with this view?!
The gorgeous sunset view from our hotel room.
Amazing right?!
The weekend following, I attended the LA stop of the Making Things Happen tour and made 15 new lifelong friends. I thought I knew what to expect, it was my second time attending the intensive. I was ready to open up, be vulnerable, and get the most out of it. But for some reason, when the event began the shell came back on, and I had to force myself to let go and open my heart. That was the most difficult, yet most rewarding day. Since September, I felt like I was being tumbled and thrown in different directions. My life kept taking completely different turns and I was scared. MTH helped me so much during this very difficult time. It showed me light and how to conquer fear again. It gave me the boost I needed to start getting myself back together and really take a look at the life I was given. It reminded me to live the life you always told us we deserved — a full and happy life full of dreams.
So what did I do? I channeled my pain, my sadness, my grief, and I did what I know you wanted me to do. I turned it into positivity and productivity. That image of the sunset illustrates exactly how I feel right now. I lit the fire within me and began doing the work, the hard work. I’m going to make you proud, Ray. Every day is a struggle, it’s hard, and I miss you every single second of the day. But after my tears fall, I’m ready to take on the world. Just like you.
