October isn’t even over yet, and so much change within me has happened. Let’s start from the beginning shall we? After the emotionalness (Yes, I make up words) that was September, October came way too soon but not soon enough. I wasn’t ready or another month to slip through the cracks. If there was one thing I learned from you it is to live and love life, and I knew that for me October was the time I had to start doing that.
At the end of September, my dad was in the Philippines with his brothers and sisters taking care of my grandpa. The 2 weeks he was gone was terrifying. I felt like my heart was being ripped apart, as if it could be crumbled into any more pieces. My dad came back just in time for his birthday on Oct. 1st and thank God my grandpa was okay. The following weekend was a bittersweet weekend for Charlie and I. We weren’t quite ready to celebrate anything, but we embraced our 1 year wedding anniversary with open arms and went back to the scene of the crime. 🙂 It was just as beautiful as the day we got married. It was the perfect way to get the month started, full of LOVE.
It was exactly what we needed to recharge our batteries. A couple days of rest along the beautiful coast of California. While Charlie caught some Z’s I spent most of my time on the balcony of our hotel room. The Surf and Sand Resort will forever be one of my all time favorite places to visit. And why wouldn’t it be with this view?!
The weekend following, I attended the LA stop of the Making Things Happen tour and made 15 new lifelong friends. I thought I knew what to expect, it was my second time attending the intensive. I was ready to open up, be vulnerable, and get the most out of it. But for some reason, when the event began the shell came back on, and I had to force myself to let go and open my heart. That was the most difficult, yet most rewarding day. Since September, I felt like I was being tumbled and thrown in different directions. My life kept taking completely different turns and I was scared. MTH helped me so much during this very difficult time. It showed me light and how to conquer fear again. It gave me the boost I needed to start getting myself back together and really take a look at the life I was given. It reminded me to live the life you always told us we deserved — a full and happy life full of dreams.
So what did I do? I channeled my pain, my sadness, my grief, and I did what I know you wanted me to do. I turned it into positivity and productivity. That image of the sunset illustrates exactly how I feel right now. I lit the fire within me and began doing the work, the hard work. I’m going to make you proud, Ray. Every day is a struggle, it’s hard, and I miss you every single second of the day. But after my tears fall, I’m ready to take on the world. Just like you.