You know when reality just smacks you in the face out of nowhere? Yeah, that happened to me on Monday.
Let me start by saying this year so far has been quite the whirlwind! So much to be grateful for, so many things that have brought me back down to reality. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs and it’s only May. All in all I have to say I’m blessed and I know it. I’m thankful beyond belief. I have a loving husband, wonderful family, great friends, and thriving businesses. What more could a girl ask for?
But Monday came, and I feel like I got punched in the gut with negativity. The cause was one of the things that has held me back my whole life – ME. My need for constant progress, my need to be the solution, and my habit not taking care of myself.
You see, on Monday I realized that I had all these wonderful people and all these wonderful things. I have a relationship with God that has far surpassed anything that I ever thought I could have. But I still felt like there was something missing and I figured it out. It was self acceptance. Not only self acceptance but self love. The same love I have for God, my family, and my friends is the love that I wished I would show myself. I want to be able to show myself grace.
But I don’t.
Over time, I’ve just grown to resent myself and found myself unworthy. And that there lies the problem. It has always been the problem. I have been the problem.
Keep your head down and do the work.
We’re living in a time where we have so many options and so much information at our finger tips. Lots of us feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. But I firmly believe that if I wasn’t being fed so much information I wouldn’t be as distracted. I’d be able to focus more on the things that help me improve, be better, be more intentional – the things that matter.
Starting in the month of June I’m going to take it 1 day at a time. My goal is to start creating habits that contribute to a better me – spiritually, mentally, and physically. I want to just focus, keep my head down, mind my own business, and put in the work. I want to be able to love myself and show myself some grace. I want to feel worthy of God’s love, the love of my friends and family, and my own love. God already says I’m worthy, why don’t I treat myself like I am?
So cheers to June! I’m excited to slowly chip away at the things that are eating me up inside.