It’s been exactly 1 week since you’ve left us. All of us miss you so much, but we’re getting stronger and stronger day by day. That’s all thanks to your fighting spirit that is living within us. I think about you constantly, Ray. This has been the hardest week I’ve ever had to endure. I just wanted to be near you always. I didn’t want to have to picture you in my head for the rest of my life. I wanted to see you, hold your hand. give you a big hug, make fun of you, and talk about our dreams like we always did.
Honestly, it’s so hard. It’s so hard for all of us to be strong constantly. I cry to you every single day. But your family is such an inspiration. They have been so strong through all of this. They’ve been there for us, your friends, from the moment we heard the bad news. I hope that our presence has given them even a fraction of comfort through this tough time for them. They love you so much Ray, so SO much.
I keep replaying in my mind what happened last week on Tuesday. It was a day we would never forget. I was sitting at the office with Charlie. And I see your face pop up on my phone. I answer with my regular “HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO…?!?” and start laughing. I thought you were calling me to ask if I was already at the office like you always do, you knew we had a meeting. And then I heard sniffles on the other end. Sniffles that didn’t sound like yours. It was Ate Bing, telling me the news that would change our lives forever. I dropped everything. If I wasn’t sitting down I would have dropped to my knees. Charlie had this look on his face as I began to cry, a look of what happened!? When I mouthed “Ray Ray” to him, his face completely changed but I still don’t think he was prepared to hear what I was about to tell him. I began to sob and told your sister we would leave right away. My cries and heavy tears were enough for Charlie to know the news. I could barely get myself to tell him. We dropped everything, packed up our stuff, left the office and got to the hospital as fast as we could. I was numb Ray. I was in shock, in denial, I was angry, I was sad…I was numb. I was so overwhelmed with what was happening. I was overwhelmed with my surroundings. I hadn’t been at that hospital since the night I slept over to keep you company. That was almost 3 years ago. The last time I sat in that lobby was with you. It was where you always went to get some sun, and we would sit together in that lobby and talk about the future.
I keep replaying memories in my mind. When we biked 10 miles, the night I spent with you at the hospital, VENT rehearsals, the night before you left for Seattle, our Skype sessions, when we had lunch at Stacked and ordered so much food, when we bet on how long it would take you to get from my house to Redondo, when you’d do your “Rihanna” dance, the bachelor/bachelorette weekend, our wedding, hearing the song you guys created for us for the first time, our drives to the Assemble office with Jan Jan sleeping in the back seat, Vegas for Project…Ray Ray there are just so many. There are so many with your other family and friends too, I honestly don’t know how you fit us all in your schedule. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day. But I’m so glad you did.
I’m never going to stop writing to you, Raymond. I know you’re reading this and I feel you with me watching over me always. It gives me comfort that you never have to leave my side ever again. We all have you to talk to whenever we want. I love you, Ray. I love you.